Friday, October 19, 2007

The Rockabye Baby CD Collection: If You Must Have a Child, It Must Be Cool...

So last week we posted a quiz called "Best Radiohead Lullaby" in honor of a friend/fellow Radiohead fan's new baby. (In case you missed it, "True Love Waits" and "Sail to the Moon" shared the honor.) Well, it looks like some company called Rockabye Baby! beat us to the punch. This is weird...

Rockabye Baby! "transforms timeless rock songs into beautiful instrumental lullabies, sending your little one to a slumberland of sweet dreams." Rockabye Baby! also transforms you into a snivelling sentimentalist, apparently. In any event, on the company's site you can order fetus-friendly takes on everything from Metallica to The Beach Boys to No Doubt to, that's right, Radiohead. Timeless rock, indeed!

You can hear samples of each the album's tracks:

1. No Surprises, 2. Let Down, 3. Subterranean Homesick Alien, 4. Airbag, 5. Paranoid Android, 6. Knives Out, 7. Karma Police, 8. There There, 9. Everything In Its Right Place, 10. 2+2=5, 11. Sail to the Moon.

Hey, look, the album closer is even our quiz co-winner! Nice!

The collection's concept is somewhat charming, though the tracks sound more suited for a cramped elevator or 99-cent ringtone than the ears of your vulnerable infant. The site states, "Kid A imagines the scope and power of music created by a newborn child." Umm, OK, but why don't you just play the child some "Treefingers" via "How to Disappear Completely" and call it a day? Shit, let him hear the whole album! He needs to learn soon enough that the world is a creepy, vacuous place, but that it can also be quite gorgeous and, I don't know, atmospheric?

A final note: The Rockabye Baby! collection also offers a baby-friendly Coldplay CD. Who wants to bet it's just a repackaged copy of X&Y?


panopticon said...

Man, I feel like a high-minded intellectual elitist today!

The CEO of this company should have their ears removed with a Taco Bell spork then have copious packets of Fire sauce poured into the festering holes where their aural artifices once were, to be needlessly verbose.

Music - the soundtrack of all generations for the last several centuries! - transformed to elevator music for easy baby consumption. Thirty years from now, will we see infants-turned-executives jamming out in the elevator on the way to the board meeting?


Studies have shown that Mozart stimulates brain development and cognitive thinking skills in infants.

Dumbing down the music for the kids dumbs down the kids.

Anonymous said...